And adorable video of a lovely Japanese lady getting an English lesson Santa style.

This is for all of you losers who missed Santacon. Although, even I missed this part since I had a flight to catch the next day and was dragging around a friend who was already deathly hungover.

School children are always in their uniforms.  Even on weekends.  You see flocks of uniformed adolescents on the trains chattering away with their school gossip.  I always figured they were going to or from some sort of school function, like a club or sporting event.  But they even show up in the mall and at festivals in their school uniforms, especially the high school girls.  I just chalked it up to one of those great Japanese mysteries.

But at the English conversation group I help with I learned a piece of the puzzle.  Apparently it’s also a bit of a conundrum to Japanese adults.  One of the men at my table asked a well-spoken high school girl why they were always in their uniform, even outside of school.  She said it was easier than trying to pick out clothes in the morning.  And besides girls at that age are so critical of each other’s style.  You have to wear the right things.  It’s safe to just wear your school uniform because everyone else wears it too.  Teenage insecurity strikes again, universally, cross-culturally.

But then this makes me wonder.  How many sets of uniforms do they have?  And how often do they wash them?

Then someone at the table mentioned a rumor that he had heard.  That there was a prefectural curfew that said anyone under the age of 18 in Gunma had to be in their homes by 10pm. There were no exceptions.  Not even if the kids were accompanied by their parents.  I couldn’t believe this outrageous law.  But everyone else at the table agreed that it was true.  Why couldn’t children go out with their parents?  Someone suggested that it might have something to do with young parents brining their children to bars with them.  Most of Japan’s problems seem to be blamed on young parents, especially young mothers.

I am reposting an email I received.  I don’t work for the company but I thought I’d put it up for the benefit of anyone who reads this blog who does.  And also to serve as a warning to anyone who is thinking about teaching English with a private company in Japan.  They all care about money first and human interests second.  Some are much better than others.  Do your research and try get opinions from people who have experience with that company before you sign up.  It would suck to drag your ass all the way to Japan just to get screwed.

>   Hello all this is Morgan Jones former general
> manager of borderlink.
> As most of you know I have left borderlink due to
> unexpected circumstances.
> When I took this position I only accepted it because
> I was told that I would run human resources they way
> I see fit. Unfortunately I was forced into lying and
> persuading ALTs.
> I am sending this e-mail to as many staff as I can
> to ensure that the promises I made are fulfilled.
> Please keep in mind these following warnings
>
> 1.    The company rules and regulations that you
> have received are not the same as the rules and
> regulations borderlink has filed with the labor
> bureau.
> 2.    Your pay for March will probably not be paid
> in full do to that fact that the schools will end in
> late March. Please seek confirmation from borderlink
> before March to assure your pay. ( in writing or
> text)
> 3.    If you live in an apartment that borderlink
> has arranged you are paying more rent than the other
> tenants in your facility. Meaning that your has an
> add on which leads to you actually paying for the
> set up fees although the apartment is not in your
> name and if borderlink does not renew your contract
> you will loose the apartment and your deposits will
> be kept by borderlink.
> 4.    Your insurance is not legit and should be
> changed to Shakai hoken.
> 5.    Your paid leave might not be paid if you
> decide to use those days in March. Please use them
> before March so you may confirm that you will get
> paid for them.
>
> I have made arrangements with RCS corporation. Now
> that Morikawa is gone it is a much better company.
> Anyone wishing to work as an ALT in Gunma or
> wherever RCS will give you priority on positions
> they have. If you have any problems or questions
> please contact me, I am more than willing to help. I
> would also like to justify my motivations by saying
> that I do not care about borderlinks future. But I
> do not want to be remembered as the guy that screwed
> you over. So please if there is anything I can help
> you with contact me.  Best of luck
>
>
>
>
>                                Morgan Jones 

Remember the newspapers about me that my Friday elementary school did? Well, my Thursday elementary school just completed theirs.

This one group did a list of my likes and dislikes.

Kore wa…

SANTARCHY AT THE TOKYO SANTACON!

The day of holiday mayhem made famous by Chuck Palaniuk, writer of Fight Club… in TOKYO.

Wear a santa suit and get wasted. If you think you’ve been naughty this year, well Santa’s going to show you just how it’s done.

Here’s the plan:

Santarchy Tokyo is always the last Saturday before Christmas. Santas meet at the Hachikō statue in Shibuya Station at noon.

Asakusa -> Fin!

http://100santas.org/tokyo

http://www.santacon.com/ 

More information for those of you who can actually read Japanese.

There’s this one class ninensei that’s just awful.  They aren’t bratty like the ichinensei; it’s far worse.  They’re sullen and deliberately rude.

There’s this one boy.  He’s not the worst but he’s certainly one of the bad ones.  Obviously ignoring the teacher.  Talking.  Sleeping.  These behaviors may not sound too destructive, but he’s infuriatingly insolent.  On Monday last week he was in the teacher’s room getting his hair sprayed.  I don’t care if students lighten their hair but the school certainly does.  If a teacher can tell, you get your hair sprayed black in the teacher’s room.  It smells pretty awful all day.

I had to conduct speaking tests a couple days later.  The room for this particular class was empty so I was using it..  Towards the end of the period, the bad class comes flooding in and making all their shouting surprised noises upon seeing me.  And they’re trying to talk to me as I’m trying to talk to the shyest and lowest English level student.

Suddenly that bad kid drops a wad of aluminum foil on my desk and that’s the end.  I shoot out of my seat, thrust it back at him and demand “What is this?!” with all doom and ferocity.

I can’t quite make out what it says.  “It’s… bake.” Or something and he dejectedly moves to the corner of the room.

Later in the day, during his class, I notice that he’s acting all subdued and I feel triumphant.  What a little anger will do to improve behavior!

As the students were leaving, I noticed a girl carrying a wad of aluminum foil.  “What is that?” I asked her politely.

“Candy!” she grinned and I felt awful.

Apparently some of the students had baked something in the Home Ec. class or made candy in science class.  I’m not sure which.

Maybe that boy had stolen someone else’s sweet and tossed it at me.  Or maybe it was his but it tasted really bad and he didn’t want it.  Or maybe he was trying to make amends in his own nonchalant way at an inappropriate time by giving me the treat he had made himself.  And I rejected him.

Maybe I’m cold, heartbreaking meanie-head.

I’m not really sure what all this is about, but it seems to be a montage of how Japan is pathetic.

A couple weekends ago I went to Guam.  I have a friend who’s a stripper there for a few months.  I wanted to see her.  I wanted some sun and some warmth.  And Guam’s only a few hours away by plane.

Originally, I wanted to go the weekend of the 24th because we had an extra day off on Friday for Labor Thanksgiving Day (It’s a lot more like Labor Day than Thanksgiving).  But because of that one extra day, tickets were around $1,500 and most flights were sold out.  I would have had to take a 9-hour wait in the Philippines.  It seems like all the businessmen in all of Japan were going to Guam on that 3 day weekend to look at titties.

So I decided to take a couple days of vacation and go the weekend before.  Tickets were only a bit above $400 and I got a direct flight.  My company told my schools that I was going home for a bit, since that is apparently a lot more acceptable than taking a vacation.  Since I had a bad cold a couple weeks before, everyone freaked out thinking that I was going home because I was really, really sick.  Because people don’t just take off for no reason.  I’m getting the feeling that it’s a lot more culturally taboo to take off work and have fun than it is to grope young girls on the train.  I bet Japanese businessmen to the latter a lot more than the former.

Guam is a very, very strange place.  There are a few native Chamorrans, mostly living in poverty.  It’s mostly populated by Navy and Air Force troops.  The rest are strippers, prostitutes and Japanese tourists.  The main strip in Guam is lined with luxury hotels as high as you can see and accommodated with glittering water parks and beach fronts.  Along the edges of the road are tourist trap bars and restaurants and high-end fashion malls.  There are at least two Chanels, Louis Vittons, and Burberries in a three-block stretch.  In between such decadence are loud, dimly lit strip clubs and all night massage parlors.

It felt nice to have the tables turned a bit. I only had to speak Japanese once and that was just to tell some lady to wait a moment because she was about to take the table that was supposed to be for my friend and me.  Instead of being the one wandering around desperately hoping to find someone who spoke my language or to find a menu I could understand, it was the Japanese who were confused.  But not much.  Popular “Western” restaurants like TGIFiday’s  and Outback Steakhouse had Japanese menus.  The luxury market of Guam seems mainly to be targeted to the Japanese tourists.  Most stores have Japanese speaking staff.  Since Guam is technically part of the US, it runs on US currency.  But many places accept yen.  Since I was technically in the US, I was hoping to find some cheap clothes that fit me.  But in the tourist area, I mostly just found Japanese styles, in Japanese sizes, at the equivalent of Japanese prices.  I guess the Japanese wives shop till they drop during the day and pass out in the fancy hotel while their husbands go and spend an equal amount on strippers or full body massages at night.

There were so many Japanese people.  In the tourist area of Guam I sometimes forgot I was in Guam instead of one Japan’s of the south islands.  Kanji, katakana, hiragana.  A lot of times the Japanese tourists still gawked at me as if I were the foreigner.  Ack!  Tall blonde freak!  Gaijzilla!

Outside of the high-end shopping area, the main tourist attraction seemed to be Kmart.  I shit you not.  On the plane ride back to Japan, everyone was trying to stuff all their brimming plastic Kmart bags into the overhead compartments.

But in Guam, the Japanese are only well taken care of in order make it easier to take their money.  I do experience racism and discrimination in Japan, but we were definitely giving it to them in Guam.  Many of the seedy places in Japan explicitly refuse foreigners.  In Guam, they let them in with open arms, they just charged them a lot more money.

The man of the hour (or 15 minutes) in Japan right now is Yoshi Kojima.  He’s a Japanese comedian and all the kids (big and little) love him.  The kids are always imitating him and they try to get me to do it too.  I don’t trust them one bit.

As far as I can tell from what I’ve seen on TV, he only does one thing.  He comes in on the camera sorta making low squeals.  Sorta like an old lechy grandpa.  Then he pretends to hump something.  Then gets up and chants something and does a downward punching motion with his hand while kicking back with his foot.

I have no idea what he says.  All I know is that it is rude.  It ends with “Hey, opapi!”

He just does that one thing.   And everyone goes wild.  People are going to get tired of it eventually.  They have to.  But what can I say?  It is pretty ridiculous and charming in a Japan sort of way.  That or I just think he’s really hot.

Even he seems to realize how repetitive he’s getting.  He has a slightly bored look on his face when he does it recently.  It’s like he’s rolling his eyes inside.

But in an effort to get the junior high kids to pay attention to my lesson on  prepositions, I made this diagram.  For you English teachers out there, feel free to use it.

Hey Opapi!

Passed out outside Shibuya Station 9/23/07

Passed out outside Shibuya Station 9/23/07

Sleeping outside Kitatakasi Station… at 1pm, 11/11/07