I got through my first day of firstgraders… and without getting kanchoed.

This is no mean feat. Three of my friends working in Elementary schools had already gotten kanchoed within their first month and half of working. For those of you who don’t know what a kancho is, it’s a very special treat for teachers. Children clasp their hands together with index fingers outstretched, as if making a gun, and then they ram that between your ass cheeks. No fucking kidding. They don’t get punished for it either.

Corey laughed it off.
Jon said, “That kid is so cute.”
Poor Marjorie got an entirely new variation of the kancho. The kids put their hands together as if praying and then just slip it through. It’s called the “Kurejito Karudo Suwaipu!” Credit card swipe.

Corey’s Japanese Teacher of English (JTE) told us a story over dinner one night of this kid who used to kancho everybody, including her, and then smell his fingers afterward.

So far my friends have handled their kanchos with grace and humor. I’m not really sure I could. Just in case, I’ve been watching my ass when I’m at an elementary school. Especially on the stairs. Today I went outside after school to talk to the kids for a few minutes. They’re so curious about a gaijin that they see me and come flooding from accross the playground. I end up surrounded very quickly. A very bad position to be in. It had been raining all day but now the sun was shining directly on me and I was getting warm. So I took off my jacket and tied it around my waist. I suddenly realized this was the perfect kancho protection. Just in case, I whirled around to check my back. I saw to boys backing away giggling, seeming very disappointed that I decided put my jacket on my hips at that exact moment. Today would be a bad day to get kanchoed. They all had umbrellas. I don’t know the kancho etiquette, but I wouldn’t put it past them to use tools.

I know my ass is a lot bigger than your normal Japanese person so it really must be a tempting target for them. You may not think my ass is that ridiculously huge but believe me, the skinny Japanese with their tiny tight asses definitely do. Fits of giggles break out in my junior high classes every time I bend over. Every time.

Kancho No! merchandise. Makes a great gift for Mom!